☻Be friendly with your kids, they choose your home when you are old!
☻Be nice to the ones who smoke.. every cigarette migh be their last.
☻BEEB! Send this message to 5 of your friends and you will have unbelieveble sex tonight! If you break this chain, you'll never have multiple orgasm again!
☻Birdy birdy in the sky, left a poopie in my eye. Me don't care, me don't cry, me just happy that a cow can't fly!!
☻Braindetector activated, calibrating, now searching.........still searching......get a good grip of your mobile....still searching.......no brains found.
☻Did I not see you yesterday at the mall, with a grey jacket? No? O, than it was a rubbish bag after all! .
☻Do not disturb, I am enough disturbed as it is . . .
☻Don't feel sad, don't feel glue, Einstein was ugly too !
☻E man pays $.2,00 for a $.1,00 item that he needs, a woman pays $.1,00 for $.2,00 item that she does not need.
☻Excessive use of alcohol can lead to a pregnancy.
☻For you I would go as far as the end of the world. Do you promise to stay here ?"
☻God created the earth, God created the woods, God created you too, but yes, even God makes mistakes!
☻God created the universe, the earth, nature, the eggs, man and saw that it was good and beautiful. God also created woman and thought : ‘I hope she will make herself up’!
☻HALLO, this is your mobile. There is no particular problem. I just wanted to leave your pocket, want the smell is unbearable!!!
☻Hello I am a virus and I am entering your brain right now..... sorry I will leave, I can't find a brain.
☻Hello, this is GOD. I make few bad creations but you are the worst monster I ever realised. My apologies on behalf of the whole world..
☻How would you like your egg for breakfast.... hard-boiled or impregnated?
☻I am a killer,I kill people for money.....But because you are my friend,I'll kill you for nothing!
☻I am not stupid, I am blond!!! B - L - O - N - T
☻I am not your type ... I am not inflatable.
☻I know why I am single, my parents-in-law were not able to have kids...
☻I like to compare you with a nice cold glass of beer, beautiful colour, perfect taste, really perfect and when the glass is empty i just take the next one!
☻I once sniffed Coke, but the icecubes blocked my nostrils...
☻If being ugly would hurt, you would be in pain all day long.
☻If you have picture where you look old, keep them. In twenty years you can prove that you have not changed a bit.
☻If you really ressemble the picture on your ID, you are not fit enough to travel.
☻Ik would like to be a volcano... smoke all day and people say ... look he is working!
☻In case of fire read this message.....................................I SAID IN CASE OF FIRE YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!
☻It is charming, incredibly handsome, extremely good, well shaped, horny,an animal in bed and it knows one French word ... MOI!!
☻Love me or leave me. Hey,where is everybody going ???
☻Mobile sex: push 1 for oral, 2 for anal, 3 for normal, 4 for a trio, 5 for SM and for everything ... dial my number!
☻My feelings for you are like the sea. " Wild and romantic ? " "No, they make me sick."
☻My mother in law walks five miles every day, I wonder where she is at this moment...
☻Nice perfume... but do you really need to marinate in it?
☻One out of four people is a chinese. If your father, your mother and your brother are not Chinese, it must be you.
☻Opticians bend your the rims/frames of your glasses for they are too polite to say that your ears are in the wrong place.
☻Read in a hospital... The psychiatrist may nog be disturbed
☻roses are red, violets are blue, frankenstein is ugly but what the hell happened to you????
☻roses are red, violets are blue, most poems ryhm, but this one doesn't...
☻Scientists in the US proved that people who do not perform well in bed and who have difficulties to come hold their mobile in their right hand ..................
☻Smoking is allowed in this area, blowing not!
☻The more I learn the more I get to know, the more I know the more I forget, the more I forget the less I know, so why should I be learning??
☻The one who digs a hole for someone else, is sweating blood !
☻They dropped your name, can you pick it up ?
☻This cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat, keep cat, a cat, idiot cat, busy cat, for cat, 20 cat, seconds cat! Now read it all without the word cat!
☻This is the telephone terrorist team. While receiving this message a virus will be activated. This virus should have infected your mobile by now. Your mobile will be disabled, unless you are ugly.
☻This is your boss: "You are allowed to read the newspaper during the working hours and do certainly not miss the job adds."
☻This sms can only be read by someone SEXY:...try again...again...maybe you are just not sexy?...one more time...hey don't force it ugly!!!
☻Those beautiful eyes, that incredible body, such a brain, a sexy mouth, nice smile .... but that is enough about me, tell me how you are?
☻We cannot grant you a life insurance policy because you are already 102 years old. "I do not understand. It is proven statistically that at that age only few people die."
☻We will now upgrade your brain.......Please wait........Searching.......Searching.......Still searching........Sorry, no brain found !!!
☻What he want, I do not want ... What I want, he does not want ... What we want, is not allowed!
☻When I was a dog, and you were a flower, I walked over you and gave you a shower!!
☻You are an unwanted child. Your parents paid the medical expenses for your birth with their accident insurance.
☻You are never too blond to learn !!!
☻You got STYLE... You got SEX-APPEAL... You got the BRAINS... and you sure as hell got the BODY....WAIT!!!!!...SORRY....wrong number
☻You have the ones that think and you have the ones that do things. The worst kind are those who think that they are doing things.
☻You should know what it takes to look this cheap!
☻You used to be so ugly that your mother had to tie a steak around your neck, otherwise even the dog would not play with you
☻You will have to cut back on your sex live. What part will you leave out, talking about it or thinking about it?
☻You with your beautiful eyes, you with your nice hair, you with your fantastic body ... o, sorry, wrong number
☻You’d better not be a dayfly and not having your day.
☻Your provider adjusted his rates. The rate is determined by the length of your genitalia, the shorter they are, the less you pay. You can telephone for free from now on!
☻It's important to find a man who has money, a man who adores you,a man who is great in the sack. It's also imprtant that these 3 men should never meet!
☻A man can kiss his wife goodbye. A flower can kiss a butterfly.Wine can kiss a frosted glass.But u my friend can kiss my ass!
☻i tried to call you from a payphone last night. i put my doner card in by mistake, it cost me an arm and a leg!
☻Hey can u do me a favour, take a pic of urself n send me it, i'm playin cards n i'm missin the joker!!
☻Hey friend remember dat without stupidity there can be no wisdom & without ugliness there can be no beauty… so the world needs YOU after all!
☻Jesus says to John come forth ill give you eternal life. John came fifth he won a toaster
☻A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home
☻At dis moment in time 10 million people r having sex.5 million people r drinking coffee.100 million people r sleeping & 1 stupid fool is reading my text!pass on
☻The rain makes all things beautiful.The grass & flowers 2. If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn’t it rain on you?
☻i want u 2 know dat our friendship means alot 2 me.U cry i cry.U lauf i lauf.U jump out of da window... I look down & den... i lauf again
| ☻NEWS FLASH snow white has been thrown out disneyland. she pulled up her skirt, sat on pinnochios face & shouted lie u bastard, lie, lie! |
| ☻What's the difference between your job and your wife? Your job still sucks after five years! |
| ☻If you want SEX take a boy and RELAX but don't forget DUREX!!! |
| ☻If you think fuck is funny fuck yourself and save the money |
| ☻When I was a dog, and you were a flower, I walked over you and gave you a shower!! |
| ☻Computers are machines to help you solve problems you wouldn't have if you didn't have a computer. |
☻The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think. |
| ☻If you have no voice: SCREAM...... If you have no legs: RUN......... If you have no hope: INVENT… |
| ☻When I was a baby, I played with toys. Now I'm a lady and I play with boys!! |
| ☻Man: I would really like to get into your pants. Woman: No thanks. There's already one asshole in there. |
| ☻A man was dying of cancer. His son asked him:dad why do you keepon telling everyone that your dying of AIDS.He replied"So that when i die no 1 will fuck ur mom |
| ☻Kill one you're a murderer, kill 10 you're a serial murderer, kill them all, you're GOD. |
| ☻The first day we met,I wanted you in my bed. Today I know better, so I will write it in my letter. In my bed I've seen so many faces, so I'll fuck you at different places. |
| ☻Text messaging is like a blow-job off an amateur prostitute; short...sweet and always cheap!!! |
| ☻Love your neighbour, but don't get caught. |
| ☻To wake up in the morning and always see the sun no matter the weather, I'm glad the day has begun. |
| ☻NEWS FLASH snow white has been thrown out disneyland. she pulled up her skirt, sat on pinnochios face & shouted lie u bastard, lie, lie! |
| ☻What's the difference between your job and your wife? Your job still sucks after five years! |
| ☻If you want SEX take a boy and RELAX but don't forget DUREX!!! |
| ☻If you think fuck is funny fuck yourself and save the money |
| ☻When I was a dog, and you were a flower, I walked over you and gave you a shower!! |
| ☻Computers are machines to help you solve problems you wouldn't have if you didn't have a computer. |
| ☻The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think. |
| ☻If you have no voice: SCREAM...... If you have no legs: RUN......... If you have no hope: INVENT… |
| ☻When I was a baby, I played with toys. Now I'm a lady and I play with boys!! |
| ☻Man: I would really like to get into your pants. Woman: No thanks. There's already one asshole in there. |
| ☻A man was dying of cancer. His son asked him:dad why do you keepon telling everyone that your dying of AIDS.He replied"So that when i die no 1 will fuck ur mom |
| ☻Kill one you're a murderer, kill 10 you're a serial murderer, kill them all, you're GOD. |
| ☻The first day we met,I wanted you in my bed. Today I know better, so I will write it in my letter. In my bed I've seen so many faces, so I'll fuck you at different places. |
☻Text messaging is like a blow-job off an amateur prostitute; short...sweet and always cheap!!! |
| ☻Love your neighbour, but don't get caught. |
| ☻To wake up in the morning and always see the sun no matter the weather, I'm glad the day has begun. |
☻I hate it when you leave, but I would like to see you go.
☻When do you know a woman is going to say something interesting ? .... When she starts with "My husband said..."
☻One chicken to an other: are you tokkin' to me?
☻Man says to his wife : Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife : Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged.
☻A blond woman picks up a 100. Was it a smart or a stupid blond one? ...................... stupid of course, there are no others
☻What's the difference between blonds and traffic-signs? Some signs say stop.
☻When god created the men he was only kidding
☻Why does a stupid blond woman sneak past the pharmacy? ................. She does not want to wake the sleeping tablets!
☻Dear God, I will keep it brief otherwise they will steal my dinner. AMEN
☻When you harrass a boy, pull his pants down and your skirt up, because you can run faster with your skirt up than he with his pants down.
☻There are three girls in the sixth grade ... A blond a brown and a red. Who has the biggest boops ? ............ The blond because she already reached the age of 20!!!
☻If I'd had a face like yours, I'd sue my parents !
☻How to keep an idiot entertained *press down* ................... .................... How to keep an idiot entertained *press up*
☻Can I have your picture? ......... I save natural disasters
☻Of course... If you want something there is always a way to get there. Unfortunately on my way there are road works.
☻You wanna come to my place for some pizza and sex? No? Why, don't you like pizza?!
☻Why is a woman 20.000 $ worth and a man only 2$? A woman has a milk factory, a mussel farm and a sawmill; a man a sausage, 2 bitterballs and a little pot of mayonnaise
☻Bigamy..............What is the penalty for bigamy? ............... Two mothers-in-law !
☻What does it say on the wrapping of the Morning-after pil??? ......first some screwing before use
☻Farmer seeks woman with tractor. Please add photo of tractor.
☻Do you think I can live for another fourty years? ... Do you drink? ... No! ... Do you smoke? ... No! ... Do you visit the whores? ... No! ....... Why do you want to live another fourty years?
☻Dialogue between 2 undertakers. "Do you have sometimes a dead period?"
☻There are numerous restaurants where you can eat Chinese. But it does not help a bit. There are more every day.
☻Do you believe that getting married on a Friday brings bad luck ? "Of course, why would Friday be an exception?"
☻Can I go to the theatre? Asks a mosquito ot her mother. "yes but be aware, pay attention during the applause."
☻Do you believe that getting married on a Friday brings bad luck ? "Of course, why would Friday be an exception?"
☻Can I go to the theatre? Asks a mosquito ot her mother. "yes but be aware, pay attention during the applause."
0 comments:
Post a Comment